Compromised

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I think that you don't care about me anymore because working would have replaced my place in your heart.
I never ask you how important I am in your heart, because I know I will not be the first, for the past and now, and later on in life. Family members would be the foremost important thing in your life which I could not ever surpass. And now coming in your work.
Then you scolded me harshly. This similar incident happened before, my ex scolded me as he think that I was annoying. I was afraid of the same thing happen again, which you leave me too. I regarded that particular feeling I experienced in the past and now as a symptom of breaking. You don't know how's the terrible feeling I'm having right now. And you don't know how afraid I'm right now, afraid of losing you.
Somehow, what you were scolded were right, and I feel very guilty. So on the next day, means today, I tried not to repeat what I had did yesterday. And I did it! But what's the return? You said you're tired. Yes, you are tired everyday as you worked so hard and back so late. I'm so sorry that I'm not a considerate girlfriend, I still threw a lot of words by telling you how's my day today. Then I realized, this is not what you concerned about. And I would like to tell you about my feeling yesterday hoping you can pacify me, but you're so tired. You would not want to listen anymore and even though you do, you also wouldn't pacify me. 
Then you started to frustrate because you're exhausted. I started to feel that we are in the compromised state of a relationship. It's undeniable that communication is a vital component in any relationship. However, you back very late everyday and work for seven days per week. Basically, we do not have good communication with each other. And I feel really sad for that.


After all, you may not remember this secret place and you would not see this post. But I really hope that we can get back to normal. I love you.

Your precious messages

Sorry darling, I saw the messages between you and she.
I'm so sad.
I ask myself not to read anymore,
because the more I read,
more things I know,
and hence more sorrow I am.
At first, I stop to read,
but then, I still continue to read!
I'm so sorry.........
I shouldn't borrow your mobile phone.

My mind keep rewinding the words I'd read,
and I just can't ignore their existence!

You know that I will read those messages for sure,
and I'd need your consolation,
but you're not there for me.
And then I asked myself,
do you really love me?
Or you still care about her?
After all, you has been loving or loved her for so long,
and went through so much.
And yet, we didn't.

I know I was unbearable sometimes,
and I want to become a bearable girlfriend too,
but things seem not that easy.

The 100th

I know you didn't notice that today was our BIG day.
The big day I mean here certainly not our wedding big day,
but the 100th day we are being together.

Yeah, the 100th day!!!
It's been 100 days we loving each other wholeheartedly.

I thought it was 2 more days later actually,
but I switched to emotional mode so suddenly today,
and yet you have no free time to pacify me.
I felt being abandoned......
So emo time do emo thing,
that's what I'm doing right now. =.=
And I discovered that today was the 100th day started from 18.07.2011.

I always think:
would we hold each other's hand for ever?
But you'd never answer my question.
You said it's a promise and you won't simply give promise.
If yes,
then what would be our future look like?
Would you still loving me as I become old and ugly?
My answer will be a yes as long as you still loving me!

I will not leave you unless you left me....

18.10.2011

Today was our 3rd month anniversary,
though it might not be a special day for you.
However, it's for me!

Is three months considered long?
there is no a certain answer for this question as it's subjective.
But for me,
it's certainly SHORT !!!
I WANT MORE MORE MORE !!!
I really wish that we could have (3 months X infinity).
Though it's not that long,
but one thing for sure is that,
I cherishing every moment being with you.
As long as you're with me.........

Hmm, what had we done or experienced in the past 3 months?
Well, we went to many places: 
Melacca, Genting, Bukit Tinggi, Pinang Island, Ipoh, etc. 
It sounds like many,
but there're still numerous places await us.
I want to leave our footprints of love in every corner of this world.
And, we never quarrel,
I barely throw you a tantrum occasionally.
On the other hand,
you never get angry at me,
always satisfy what I want.
I'm a little ashamed of how I behaved these time.

My dear, thank you for loving me.
I love you.

Miss you

Once you turned your back toward me,
I start to miss you. T_T
I have no idea why is this happened?!
Be honest, I don't like this kind of feeling.
It's like you must appear in my eye sight every second,
and I lock my eyes merely on you,
not anyone else.
I know it sounds terrible and crazy in some way. >.<


You'd say about the independent thingy again,
I know..............=.=
But I just couldn't!


The feeling of missing you have became extraordinary intense these days.
Because I worry that you'll leave me after I mad at you yesterday.
That's why I was so eager to see you today.
I wish you to hug me tightly to make me feel secure,
and affirm me that you will not leave me
barely due to the tantrum I threw at you.

What can I do as I miss you while you're not by my side?
By simply seeing your pictures will not pacify my uneasy soul.

p/s: I feel very guilty everytime I throw you a tantrum.
Sorry, my dear........ >.<

Thank you

The time I got sick, you're there to take care of me;
the time I suffered, you're there to console my soul;
the time I needed you, you're always there for me.

You made me feel so warm yesterday,
went back only after I fell asleep.
I was guilty to make you exhausted. T_T
You're busying fetch me here and there,
and have to take care of a troubled person.
I don't want get sick anymore! =.=
Because I heart pain to see you like that.

I always complain that you never tell me those honeyed words,
and sometimes might force you to say it.
How naive! >.<''
You love me without saying out the words of ''I love you,''
but your actions showed how much you care and love me.

Thank you, my dear.
Muackkkksss!

Lovely

My love one, you're so lovely today !!!
Oops, or should I say that you're always lovely,
but extraordinary lovely today ?! ;)

You may not know that I like your eyes.
Because your long eyelash always enchant me,
and I can see my own image fall on the iris.
It feels like I'm the only one you could see,
and the whole world belongs to merely both of us.

As I looked into your eyes,
I able to feel your love are so pure and genuine.
It's the first time I felt so strongly that you love me very much.
Thank you, my love one.
Thanks for giving me the security in term of SOUL that I craving for.

You'd been rushing here and there today,
some more encountered heavy traffic on the way sent me back to IMU.
I know you hate traffic jam. =.=
That's why I felt guilty + heart pain to make you exhausted. T_T
However, I was glad to hear that you're not being penalized for the experiment. ^.^

p/s: I just realized that my mathematics is lousy =.= 
Because today wasn't the 101th day.....how sad !!!